New year

The new year is so symbolic and exciting. I have been changing rapidly, and in a good way. I know it's good, because I am happier. How could I not be happy when I am so incredibly blessed?

Nick loves me in the most soulful way. I am brought to tears whenever I think about it. He is in touch with his animal self, whether he realizes it or not, and he looks at me with animal eyes; infinitely spiritual, tender, loving, loyal, and warm. He looks at me with pure love, never with disgust or hatred or even anger. He never disrespects me. He would never harm me. He touches me as if I am the most delicate being in all of the universe, but he loves me because of my strength.

I am so very loved by so many wonderful people. I wish I had more time and energy to get to know and love more people in this world, because there are so many incredible people to love. Perspective is the most important thing in life, and learning how to have a good attitude has helped me with a lot of things, especially with accepting myself. I receive so much praise and affection that I cannot help but soak it in and glow because of it! Of course, I receive plenty of criticism as well, but if it is false and mean then it seems to be deflected and if it is honest then it soaks in with the praise and affection and I shine all the brighter for seeing my flaws and trying my best to correct them. I am proud to shine now. I am unusual, but I think that's okay.

I feel that I must be on the right track because life is so much fun for me now. My depression has been under control for a year now and I feel like Audrey for the first time in my memory. Things excite me again, and I don't feel guilty anymore. Every now and then I feel the same dark pangs and my memories make me shudder, but they are moments, not months or years. I struggle the way most people struggle, I think; it's not debilitating anymore. To wake up in the morning and feel happy and alert is amazing.

Growing up is very hard, and I have a lot to learn.. But I am learning, and I am changing all of the time.